The One Way Street Conundrum

Greetings Mr. or Mrs. Current Resident,

We at the Department of Motor Vehicles would like to congratulate you on your recent purchase/semi-recent purchase/continued ownership of your automobile/horseless carriage. Your driving experience and safety are our top priorities, and to that effect, we, the DMV, have issued a quick review test for a common driving scenario that we find many motor vehicle operators may not fully understand, or lack proficiency in, due to its extreme rarity, and perplexing difficulty.

Please review the following scenario, as our goal is to make all drivers behave and act similarly in the same situations. Thank you in advance.

Scenario: The One Way Street Conundrum.

One way streets have been confusing drivers since the invention of the street. As there are no set laws, or protocols when dealing with this confounding situation, we feel it is necessary to issue proper driving procedures to all licensed citizens, to clear up any misconceptions of this loose, and abstract situation.

1) You drive up to a west bound, 3 lane, one way street. Do you:

A) Go west (and become the King Of Wishful Thinking).
B) Drive across the road, continuing north bound.
C) Turn east, and go against traffic.

Wonderful! You turned against traffic. So far so good.

2) You now notice that there are cars in all 3 lanes coming towards you. Do you:

A) Quickly make a right turn into the alley.
B) Keep driving towards oncoming traffic and turn right at the next street.
C) Pass the alley, slow down considerably, then come to a stop before the next street as you pause to make you next decision.

To make this type of decision, it is good to come to a complete stop, as driving while thinking can lead to accidents. Take your time please.

3) Now that you have stopped to think, there is a pile-up of cars in the lane ahead of you (don't worry. This is to be expected. Ignore the honking and swearing). Do you:

A) Turn right onto the street immediately.

B) Back up and turn into the alley.

C) Wait for a while, then put on your turn signal and try to turn left across the 3 lanes of oncoming traffic.

Excellent! At this point you may either decide to wait for an opening to make the left turn from the far right lane of the one way street you are in opposition to, or you can still make a slow (we stress gradual) right turn onto the street (as long as you wait a while longer, giving the left turn option its complete opportunity).

Please review the previous scenario before next using a car, truck, wagon or van.

It may help to print this out and place a copy in your glove compartment, making sure to remove all of the gloves ahead time. This information can then be accessed when the odd situation occurs (again remember to come to a complete stop before routing through the glove compartment to access this instructional sheet).

Thank you for your compliance. We will administer more quick reviews when necessary.

Sincerely,

Impersonal Form Letter from the DMV.


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