Valentines Day Musings

I was going back and forth debating whether or not to post anything in regards to Valentines Day. I know it's an easy topic to criticize, and I'm betting that there will be a significant number of blogs posted today with more or less the same sentiment, nevertheless, I have observations that I wanted to get collected as well.

Without further ado, my blog: Valentines Day Musings.

I've only had one good Valentines Day. One in. . . .well. . . .a good handful anyway. Ever since I was old enough to have the concept of love mean something to me, I began to place a small bit of importance to February 14th. I was inundated with commercials, movies, music and books that pushed idealized love, and for that matter, a particular day to show that love. At the beginning, this was all taken for granted. But as many of you find when growing up and dealing with reality, and people, you begin to lose your glossy outlook on life, and unfortunately, love.

The easiest thing to say here (and coincidentally, the most obvious) is that Valentines Day is just that. A Day. Just another day in which many companies desperately plot to sell their wares to you, and even more clever, make you feel guilty for not purchasing their wares. Similar the many other yearly staple of obligatory holidays like Christmas, father's/mother's day, birthdays, halloween, and the biggest offender of all, Canada Day!

Knowing full well that most of these holidays are now entirely driven by companies and their "must have" goods, does not change the fact that this day is built around the fallacy of idealized love. You've probably noticed, but most people's relationships are not like the movies. Many couples get together as a mistake, or as a result of too much alcohol. Most couples won't last, and the ones that do often stay together, not because of true love, or even regular love. Comfortability is a common bond. Staying together because it's easy. Or staying together out of fear of the unknown. Sometimes it's worse. Sometimes they stay together for only physical attraction when they fight, scream, hurt, abuse and cheat on one another regularly. Good times. Why don't they show that couple on commercials? That's at least real.

I can tell you personally that having the notion of idealized, perfect love has not helped me in my strange journey through life. Trust me, it's a beautiful concept and when displayed in stories, songs and film, it is everything you ever hoped for. But the side effects are that we get these ideals in our subconscious and forever distort our more healthy, grounded understanding of two people interacting, into something that can never be obtained, leaving us forever unsatisfied and unfulfilled. But wait - there's more!

The result of all this Valentines Day hulabaloo is actually often the opposite of the original intention by only causing those without a relationship to feel lonely and unworthy, just in it's inherent nature. This feeling can also make us question ourselves and put in a need for finding a significant other. What this is basically telling me in so many words is that I am no good on my own, and 'everyone else' is in a relationship and therefore so must I be. Not really the best affirmation for self-empowerment is it?

What about those of us in a relationship during the obligatory "you better do something nice for me" day? Does it really offer the great romantic potential that we see plastered all over our TV screens? I'm going to go ahead and just say 'no' here. I think that many a "V-day" has the chance to be pleasant and nice, but I'm going to wager that the truth of the matter is that it's really more stress and disappointment then anything else. How romantic can it be to receive a gift or gesture of affection when it is subliminally required? Hell, it's not even subliminal, it's direct and shoved down your throat! Back to the matter, yes, it's always nice to be thought of. But it's not quite as thoughtful when you realize that they were supposed to think of you, in a way, required to think of you. Isn't what in part makes something romantic is the fact that it is not fully expected? Getting a gift from someone on a random day to show they were just thinking of you seems to me a greater sign of that persons interest in you. That or they are cheating and feeling guilty. I'm trying to stay with the former here.

Many of these holidays have far too much expectation built around them. Once there is the requirement to do something or buy something for someone, expectations set in and forever skew your enjoyment of said gestures. Either it was not good enough, or it was the same as last year, or the same as an ex-lover who you are not on good terms with, or you just end up feeling guilty because your other made more effort then you and made you feel that your mindless contribution to the monetary obligation machine was less then.

And yet, with all of this very heady talk of analyzing this and that, and fully realizing that this day has no power or real meaning, my emotions still get the best of me and for whatever reason, make me wish I still had someone to feel obligated to buy something for.