New Year, Absence, And Visual Spifftacular

[EDIT: Looks like I wrote this post too fast. I will forever be tarnished with a stupid spelling mistake in the address of this post! Oh, sweet shame! Why do you taunt me so!!]


Yo, yo, yo biznitches.

So, here we are in another arbitrary cut off point in our man-made cycle of time calculations.

By which I mean 2010.

Neat.

Obviously I took a bit a of a break at the end of the year, but only for the reason that most of you were doing the same. No one does anything.

(Stupid end of year!).

I considered writing a piece on why I don't like Christmas, but decided against it, as it just seemed too... well... too obvious.

"Of course I don't like Christmas, right? What a trite idea." Everyone would expect that from me.

Though, perhaps if I do it in the right way, I might be able to make it work later on. Hmm... maybe.

Otherwise, You may have noticed that I've been "spiffing up" the King Of Deprecation blog. (Please notice. PLEEEEEEEAAAASEEEE. I depend on your Outside Validation for my self image).

I now have a three-column layout which makes things easier to find (which is why I immediately cluttered it up again so you would be confused).

I also added huge social networking buttons to the top and bottom of every post, as I figure these should scream out subconsciously to everyone, "click me!!!". Yes, this is just me trying to manipulate you into helping me promote myself.

(Pretty good eh?)

I have a few retrospective-style blogs I'm working on right now with additional commentary by a few of my readers (see: friends I bribed to help me), and have a bunch more ideas of things to overly-dissect going forward, including some pretty big personal revelations I had about myself at the very end of the year (the goal, of course, is to enjoy my story, then apply the idea to yourself, you see. You know? Self help? Life lessons? Feh! Never mind.)

Thanks for the support, comments, and criticisms.

I'll be getting back into the swing of posting very soon. (Wait. Isn't this a post? So technically, this is "the swing of things" then. Damn it! I'm in the swing already!!!)

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*Falls of cliff*

Hey! If you liked reading this story, would you mind clicking on one of the social icons below, so others can find this too? My condescending thanks.

Visit the all new DeprecationWear online store! Sarcastic, self-deprecating and elitist merchandise. Click HERE to see my wares!



buy unique gifts at Zazzle

BUY MY GODDAMN STUFF!!!!!!!

HEY!!!

*ahem*

Sorry...

Although I think Christmas and Hanukkah are both equally stupid, and view participating in either archaic ritual completely ridiculous, the point is that YOU don't think that.

Therefore, to capitalize on your interest in these pointless things (and to be dichotomous about the whole commercialism thing... when in Rome...), I've created not one, not three, but FIVE new products in my awesome DeprecationWear store!!

What does that mean to you?

Well!

Since you feel obligated to buy gifts for friends and family (suckas!), why not support me instead, and buy some unique, sarcastic, and humorous merchandise for your more quirky and irreverent acquaintances!

How could you possibly pass up on these gems:

CONGRATULATIONS!

you're mediocre

An awesome shirt letting everyone know you think they are sub par (which they are).

Yes, that was sarcasm.

Sometimes people just don't get it unless you have it in writing and tap it condescendingly.

I'm a fucking douche bag!

The most blunt thing I've made. A beer mug for the ironic hipsters, and the complete fucking douche bags you know. They both drink beer.

You have a lot of 

POTENTIAL!

That wasn't a compliment

Straight from my recent blog about potential, now you can "compliment" someone with an insult!

Who needs a yin
with this much yang?

And finally, an ode to independence. Or rather, in defiance against co-dependency. It's also vaguely sexual sounding. I wonder how that happened?

Well there you go folks. Five new products to fill your end-of-year purchasing lust.

C'mon!

BUY MY GODDAMN STUFF!!!!

Enjoy reading this blog? Please socially bookmark this page, or post it on your Facebook, and most of all comment with your personal stories, observations, or violent objections.

Visit the all new DeprecationWear online store! Sarcastic, self-deprecating and elitist merchandise. Click HERE to see my wares!



buy unique gifts at Zazzle

Surgery, New Subscribers And Thanks

GOING IN FOR SURGERY

Tomorrow (Monday the 28th), I'll be going in for hernia surgery.

I'm looking forward to having pain every time I have to sit up and go to the bathroom, or the excruciating process of simply trying to lay down.

Yes, I've gone through this before already. Last year. So I figured, "why not make it a yearly routine?" I like to keep myself humble, you know. (And this blog is proof of how well that is working.....).

The point being, chil-dee-ren, is that, depending on the amount of meds I will be injected with, or the pain I will be "enjoying", I may not get to writing a new essay for next week.

I will have my laptop with me, and though I'll be moaning and groaning like a whiny baby, I do aim to get some more essays done. However, I promise nothing.

Once I'm feeling better, I'll have a story to share on the hernia thing (and yes, it is actually more interesting than an essay on hernias sounds. Really).

NEW SUBSCRIBERS

In the last few days, I noticed a small influx of new subscribers to the RSS and email feeds of King Of Deprecation!

Again, it's a small amount, but enough to take notice of.

I can only assume that part of it may come from linking from my newly-created Envinity blog, though in my often ego-pandering imagination, it's due to complete strangers who just happened upon this blog and thought to themselves, "wow, this sure is insightful, witty, honest and humorous! I've learned valuable things about myself and people in general that I previously took for granted! Thanks Niko!"

Alas, no one says that.

I'm probably just seen as a self-important asshole, as opposed to a purveyor of fascinating life lessons and social observations.

Sigh.

I just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who has recently added my pathetic feed to your weekly reading list, and even more so, thank you to those who have stayed subscribed the whole time, and actually read the pseudo-intellectual, sarcastic and self-mocking garbage you get from me!

Thank you very much!

I'll be back soon, but in a much more feeble, elderly way.

In the meantime, here are some entertaining older essays to read while I'm in a drug coma:
Self-Perception: What A Beautiful Thing!
Adventures In Guerilla Psychotherapy
Colorado Women's Expo. A Celebration Of Stereotypes!
Ted Nugent: Anti-American Hypocrite
Leave Your Honesty At The Door
Crazy Drummer Guy, And Vegan UnGuitarist




Enjoy reading this blog? Please socially bookmark this page, or post it on your Facebook, and most of all comment with your personal stories, observations, or violent objections.

Visit the all new DeprecationWear online store! Sarcastic, self-deprecating and elitist merchandise. Click HERE to see my wares!



buy unique gifts at Zazzle

New DeprecationWear T-Shirt: Indifference

Deary me, where is my head? With all the shenanigans and goings-on I forgot to let you know about my brand new DeprecationWear T-Shirt:

Indifference by deprecation

Indifference by deprecation

As you can see from the images above, you need this shirt. Your complete lack of emotion for anyone and anything can now be known from across the room, requiring even less effort from you to convey your apathy!

Enjoy! (well, you're indifferent, so, feel what would be closest to 'enjoyment' for you)

Related blogs:
New DeprecationWear T-Shirt: Prayer


Enjoy reading this blog? Please socially bookmark this page, or post it on your Facebook, and most of all comment with your personal stories, observations, or violent objections.

Visit the all new DeprecationWear online store! Sarcastic, self-deprecating and elitist merchandise. Click HERE to see my wares!



buy unique gifts at Zazzle

New DeprecationWear T-Shirt: Prayer

Just in time for my recently published essay on the efficacy of prayer, comes a T-shirt on the... efficacy of prayer. Man, that's a bit too redundant.

Read the essay, wear the shirt. They both contain a dcent amount of awesomeness (I do not say how much awesomeness mind you)

 

 

Enjoy reading this blog? Please favorite, rate or bookmark this page, and most of all comment with your personal stories, observations, or violent objections.

Visit the all new DeprecationWear online store! Sarcastic, self-deprecating and elitist merchandise. Click HERE to see my wares!




buy unique gifts at Zazzle

DeprecationWear Store Grand Opening!

Hey everybody (all 12 of you). I'm excited to bring to you the grand opening of the DeprecationWear online merchandise store!

WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?

So far, it's a collection of T-shirts and other merchandise with sarcastic, self-deprecating, and elitist sayings and phrases, most of them taken right out of this jolly 'ol blog you follow right here.

They are things that I personally would like to wear, hence I make them, therefore you can* [*see: required by law and forced against your will to] wear them too.

WHY SHOULD I CARE?

Well, aren't we all self-important eh? You should care because by wearing these shirts, everyone will finally know what a pretentious, sarcastic, self-mocking ass you are... without ever having to talk to you to find that out!!

In fact, I'm surprised you've made it this far without a collection of T-shirts that proclaim your ridiculously low self-esteem from the roof tops! (Or from dark, damp alleys where you huddle in tears).

FEEDBACK

Have a dick-ish phrase or line that you like from one of my previous blogs? Want to wear that stupid line on a shirt? Let me know in the comments what I'm missing and if it's good, it just may become a mobile sweat-soaking, billboard of a body covering.

I aim to leave no self-loathing and ironic stone unturned!

I have about 9 different options up at the moment, with plenty more gems in the works. I'll post announcements on here any time I make a new hilarious or depressing piece of clothing.

RECOMMENDED!!

By the way, may I recommend the most bad-ass coffee mug ever? Nothing says 'good morning' like a mug that reminds you of life's inherent awfulness by asking you if it's "Too early for suicide?"

Check HERE to see my wares!



buy unique gifts at Zazzle

Enjoy reading this blog? Please favorite, rate or bookmark this page, and most of all comment with your personal stories, observations, or violent objections.

Tags: t-shirt merchandise clothing deprecation sarcastic sarcasm funny humor