One thing you find quite often on these sites, or any site where people are asked to write a paragraph about themselves, is that appears that people have a hard time putting who they are onto paper. Not to mention talking about what makes them unique and interesting, what makes them stand apart from the crowd. On a dating site this is imperative, and you'd probably assume that everyone would be doing this to a greater or lesser degree.
But they aren't.
And why not? Well, as you may imagine, I actually have a theory which I will get to later. But first let's have some fun at other's expense, shall we?
If you are putting yourself out into the world, you have to think as if you were in marketing and advertising. You are creating a national, or regional campaign for a brand new product. . .yourself! What would make people interested in your product? Does your product do something better/different then the competition? If so what are your product's strengths? You need to inform the buying public on why this new product (again, yourself) stands out from the rest. If your campaign focuses on how much your product is EXACTLY the same as the rest of competition, how could you possibly expect to make anyone care or notice? They already have something that does that, right? How will your product benefit their lives in a slightly, or dramatically new way? Is this starting to make some sense?
Thinking of yourself as a commodity in a cutthroat market, is a very good perspective to see how you need to promote yourself. And remember, you are not going to be all things to all people, and you shouldn't be. You should be something specific. Something definable, even if it takes a lot to describe it. Something that is the best in your particular niche market.
But people rarely think this way about themselves. In fact, it was only recently that these concepts really became part of my constant outlook on the world. But once you realize them, they will become crucial.
With this perspective in mind, let's push ahead and pull some examples from profiles I've come across online.
HEADLINE
When you browse online the first thing you will ever see is a photo of the person, and a short headline. This is your first and sometimes only chance to really get someone's attention. That's why I've found that an odd, silly, or unique headline will actually elicit a click by the potential consumer to read the rest of the profile. This is key folks. The headline needs to be memorable for the client, and make you distinct at the same time. Let's see how this is done.
“Seeking For My Sweet Love”
What's great about this headline is that it separates her from the rest of the women on the site, as being the one who is looking for SWEET love. This puts into the mind of the client, the idea that the rest of the women online are probably only looking for their wallet, or their car keys.
It's always best to stay on good terms with your potential buying public, by asking them off the bat for their permission to sell your product:
“can i find a life partner here?”As you'll see from future examples, simplicity can be best. Just don't forget to be catchy and memorable, like this:
“hi"
Enthusiasm can be more important then the actual content of your headline. People respond well to someone who is positive and excited about something, even if they don't quite get the tag line correct:
“The Sweeties Lady Around!!!!!”Some target demographics for a product are very small, for example, a toaster-oven with a built in harmonica. Occasionally you may find that your product (remember: yourself) has an audience of very few, or even just one. This may present challenges.
“I search good for the man”
“The nice girl searches for the love”As you can tell from the last two lines, both of these products are aimed at the last remaining unit of man and love. Tough competition.
Some audiences, are a bit too specific, and may delay the selling of your product until the natural physical laws of the universe are temporarily suspended in your product's favor:
“To love and to get my sent from God man”There are times when posing a question can get your cliental thinking, which is good. You may want to take an avant-garde approach and turn a statement into a question, in order to stand out.
“Im seeking For Tru Love??”When a statement turned question is not enough, try some ambiguity, where the statement could be applied to your own product, or to something in general. Don't forget to really confuse them with your statement-question by omitting the question mark, cleverly turing your statement-question into a statement-question-statement:
“Do Angels Exist”Sometimes you need a bold claim to excite the buying public. This is something you should tell the public, instead of having them decide it on their own:
“I am the total package......”OPENING LINES
If you've gotten someone to look at your profile, you are ahead of the game. Now is the chance to make a sale with a marketing pitch that's sure to win them over. First off you need to write a great opening line, something that instills confidence and imbues your product with personality, importance and focus. Let me just stress confidence in your product again.
"This is always the hardest part about making a profile."Statements like these practically scream your confidence and experience for your product. Well done ladies.
"So..here is my attempt at writing something."
"Hmmm...I was just kinda bored but this could be fun I guess."
"It's not so simple to speake about myself, but. . ."
"hello, so about me huh well lets see. . ."
"Hmmmmm...Its tough to sum me up in a few statements"
If you have a specialized angle that fits your product, something that could only be said about your particular product, make sure to push that. In a world of sameness, it is even more important to find your niche and sell your individuality.
"I am a very easy going SoCal girl"WINNING OVER YOUR POTENTIAL CLIENTS
"I am a very easy going . . ."
". . .and an easygoing personallity"
"I'm very laid back and easy-going"
"I'm a down to earth, laid back. . ."
"I am a laid back girl "
"I am pretty easy going for a girl"
"I'm a relatively easy going person"
"I am a pretty laidback girl"
"i am...comforable, easy going,"
"loving caring and easy going"
"Easy-Going"
Now that the potential consumer is excited to learn more about your amazing new product, you must wow them with the specific reasons your product is different, better, more productive, more exciting and above all, as before, unique. Remember, your clients have heard it all before, so you really need to stand out to make them interested. Like, for instance:
"I am a down to earth lady who has her head well on her neck."As that woman understands, sometimes we take things for granted. It can be helpful to be reminded of things we all value, but seldom appreciate, as stated above. I, personally, love to have those two things firmly attached in my products.
"I always try to be just myself and respect those people, who don't acting in the real life."In other words, this person has presented her quite open, and progressive tolerance of those they may not exist within reality. Quite a pioneering platform. Take heed, this may alienate more socially conservative markets.
Special talents or abilities usually tend to win some people's attention:
"I can introduce myself like owl,. . ."Don't we all? But there are times when you really need the power of a repeated idea to get your audience to remember your claims:
"Im like to cook good taste meal"
"Am loving and Caring lady is what i am."And now, we can remember what she is. Good job.
Honesty and humility can be refreshing when selling a product. A little bit can put your clients at ease and help them identify with you:
"At least no one has asked me to put a sack over my head yet"And with the inclusion of "yet", the consumer can rest assured that the potential for that happening in the future has not been fully ruled out.
Less can be more. People can grow tired of reading a long list of claims about your product, as it can appear boastful or exaggerated. One approach is to simply state your product is great, but forego any and all examples. This shows you care about your audience's precious time.
"My interests are diverse enough that to list them all would cause me to run out of space."See? We now know that her interests are indeed diverse, and I doubt you will find anyone who will actually ask what the interests are. Success!
Sometimes, a nice marketing tactic is to include little pearls of wisdom. This helps your potential audience remember you better, as they have some new food for thought on life, and if done correctly, your product.
"The keys to a lasting relationship are...Friendship,Trust,Communication,Honesty,Loyalty,Needed,Wanted,Supportive..."Again, new information is always appreciated. Most of us know that trust and friendship is important in a relationship, but many are not aware that needed, wanted and supportive are as well. Good keys.
"We attract love by the emotions we display; we retain love by the emotions we possess."What this statement illustrates so well is the interesting dichotomy that the emotions we possess, are not the same as the emotions we display. In fact the emotions displayed, being different then those possessed, would naturally be less or more true then the possessed versions as all thing are not equal. Therefore we get love by lying and retain it by telling the true and vice versa. What's also fascinating about this insightful statement is how the emotions we possess are never displayed, and the emotions we display, we do not possess. This may take you a few times to grasp.
"Only the mature woman can so love, as last time."This last line creates intrigue for the intended demographic. Now they are curious to know what happened "last time".
Straightforwardness can be its own virtue:
"Life is for the living, don't you agree?"Occasionally wisdom is not always what you wanted to hear:
“He who lives on hope will die fasting”Well, I guess three strikes for hope then eh?
Technology plays an ever increasing important role in our society. If you have a product that taps into the fun youth friendly wave of iPods, eMail, MySpace and Twitter, make sure they know it!
"I'm looking for someone who ejoys having fun"Quite fascinating how enjoyment has gone all eDigital. eSociety moves so fast these days.
Does your product have any scientific merit? You can appeal to the high-minded scientific set by demonstrating your product's amazing properties:
"I’m in a nice physical state."This could be just the product someone needs if they are tired of always using products that take an abstract supernatural form that cannot manifest within space or time.
PROFESSIONALISM
When you put something out there for the whole world to see, you are making a statement about your product, and everything should reflect the image you want to portray. Obviously little things like spelling, grammar and punctuation help in a subconscious way to promote the idea that your company cares enough about your image that you will take the time necessary to make sure everything looks its best and is said in the best possible way. Best foot forward, right? Everything you write needs to reflect not only who you are, but the clients you are looking to attract. Here are some more examples of what you SHOULD do:
“THE GURL OF YOUR DREAMS”As we can observe from the previous, true professionalism can be stating one's own inflated opinion of the product (the self) and then demonstrating those attributes. Use of big words like "disaccustomed" may talk over your audiences head though. By the way, if you've never been on fresh air, I truly recommend it.
"I AM A COO, CONFIDENT, CLASSY,"
"looking for serours man to settle down with an have famliy"
"I beautiful, romantic, clever from small small town. It was disaccustomed on the physician, now I work in hospital as the physician, I like to cook food, to be on fresh air, to walk on park."
Coherency is a must. Make your point clear and precise.
"I wish to find the careful person With which the good marriage loving children with which it would be possible to divide grief and pleasure would turn"I'm right on the same page!
Or sometimes you need to harken back to the days of the traveling salesman, who had to get the attention of the townspeople by yelling like a carnival barker:
"INTEGRITY,LOVE,KIDS,THATS WHAT I WANTIM LOOKING FOR THAT PERFECT FOR 1 THE TRUE FAIRYTALE ENDING MY IDEAL MATE HAS CHILDREN OR WOULD LIKE SOME AS I ADORE CHILDREN."I even feel like I'm at the circus when I read a great evocative line like that. The shouting through a megaphone works best in public I must admit.
Another approach is to wow them with logical associations:
"I AM FROM ATLANTA GA SO I HAVE THAT LOVE OF ROMANCE IN MY HEART"Now we know only people from Atlanta, GA have "that" love of romance their hearts. See how she even gave you some interesting information about people from GA?
"I don't like lonliness and that is why I like to communicate with different interesting people."Do you see how that made sense? You see, she does not like to be lonely, so she communicates with other people, in effect, increasing her sociality and diminishing her loneliness. That's a pretty good idea folks.
SELF AWARENESS
That was fun. So now, what is the big theory that ties this together? It's something that seems simple on the surface, but conceals an almost infinite amount of depth. How can you sell something, when you don't even know what that something is? If you cannot quickly write something that you feel reflects the specificity of who you are as an individual, unique human being, how are others supposed to know? Yes, writing in depth about who you are can be challenging if you are not used to doing it, but it is a very important step on the journey to self awareness. At first you will struggle and write down surface observations, as in likes and dislikes, or things you do for fun, but eventually, you will need to start examining what your behavior patterns are, what motivates you in different situations, what are your faults and downsides, and which one(s) of those could actually be honed as strengths? What are your unique (yes that word is getting a workout today) perspectives and observations on life that set you apart? These are imperative questions to be asking yourself, people. I fear that most of us go through life, never examining these ideas, or being critical enough on themselves. Let me reiterate: How can you sell something, if you don't know truly what that thing is?
And thus brings me to my own personal struggle. Finding people who have explored such questions for a good while. People who have gained new insight into their own mind, and just may have a better handle on who they are then the vast majority. Knowing more about yourself and how you interact with the outside world generally brings you to being a stronger, more focused, more specified, and more finely crafted human being. And yes, this process has no end. It is ongoing throughout your life, as new events will bring about new perspectives, which in turn require new awareness of those perspectives.
You may be asking yourself after reading this whole thing, "So Niko, since you think you know all of this stuff about psychology and marketing, have you made it work for you?" Which is a good question. The answer is so far no. Although I am developing a list of reasons and ideas about myself that may explain some of that. But that may as well be saved for another blog where I can devote the entire essay to making myself look awful, and don't tell me you are not interested in my self deprecation!
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