You Should Meet My Friend Niko.

"Hey there you!"

"Hey!"

*hugs*

"It's great to see you again! You look great!"

"Yeah you too! It's been quite a while, hasn't it?"

"Too long. Let's sit down and grab a drink. Have you been here before?"

"No, I like it though. Looks nice."

"I like it a lot. Nice atmosphere you know? Oh! You should try this one, it's awesome." *Points to drink menu*

"Sounds good. I'll give it a try."

"So what have you been up to since I saw you last?"

"Wow. All kinds of stuff. I've been pretty busy for sure."

"Are you and. . . what's his name. . . still together . . "

". . . no. We broke up a while ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I didn't know."

"It's okay. It's probably for the best. I've actually tried to go on a few dates here and there, but so far nothing worthwhile."

"You know, I have a friend that's single, very interesting guy. You might like him."

"Oh? Who?"

"This guy named Niko. He's a musician."

"Hmmm. I don't know about the musician thing, but what's he like?"

"Well, he's kind of an odd guy really. He's kinda hard to describe."

"What do you mean odd? What does he do that's odd?"

"In regards to relationships, he doesn't really date much. He says he has a lot of weird issues about sex and love. I'm not really sure what that's all about but he made a big deal about it."

"He's got relationship issues? I don't know. . . Well, I guess, to be fair, we all have our issues. Is that all that makes him odd? He doesn't date much, or has issues about relationships? That doesn't seem that odd."

"Well no, he also acts very pretentious, you know, like he's smarter, better, and more talented than everyone else."

"That doesn't sound very good."

"Nope. Not really. He's kind of an elitist. If you don't know certain things, or topics he instantly thinks less of you and acts very dismissive and condescending."

"He sounds like an ass."

"He sure can be. He's not always an ass though. Sometimes he's really insecure about nearly everything about himself, and spends hours pacing around his small apartment dwelling on everything that is wrong with him. I guess you could call him a bit of a pessimist"

"So he's a bunch of fun then?!" *laughs*

"Ha ha ha. He can be a real downer at times. Really bitter and sarcastic. Niko's like an angry, jaded old man who hates most things."

"And you're trying to set me up with this guy?"

"Well, I guess, yeah. I mean, he's not all bad. He's really passionate about music. He's written some interesting things over the years. Well, assuming you like that kind of stuff."

"What do you mean "that kind of stuff"? You don't like his music?"

"Well, I like a few things here and there, but his new stuff is really, well, just like he is. Pretentious, and overly complex."

"I'm not sure I like the sound of that. . ."

"Totally. It's the kind of music that makes you feel dumb for not knowing music theory or whatever."

"Great. So he's an ass who thinks a lot of his music that only college people would get, and he's also a bitter angry downer? Where do I sign up?!" *laughter*

"Ha ha ha! Pretty much, pretty much. I mean, well, he's actually a really intelligent guy though. But the more I think about it, it actually kinda sucks because he makes you feel stupid every time you pronounce a word wrong, or are not familiar with an outdated cultural reference."

"I just have to ask. What does this guy do for fun?" *giggles*

"Honestly, I have no idea. I think he just sits around at his apartment reading philosophy books or yelling at Youtube videos or something. Come to think of it, I don't think he really leaves his place much. He's like an introverted hermit type of guy. I don't think he likes people very much."

"You can stop selling me on this guy now. I really don't want to meet him. He sounds like everything I would not want in a guy, or at least the bad sides of things I may want. Are you sure this guy is real? It sounds like a character from a bad movie or something!"

"Oh he's real. I just talked to him the other day about how much he resents other people's happiness, or something like that. Then he talked my ear off about how anyone who believes in anything remotely spiritual or metaphysical are deluded and completely ignorant. Seriously! He went on and on about how much he hated religion, belief and faith. Needless to say I don't talk to him that much!"

"Heh heh heh! Man, I really don't like people who are like that. They are always trying to point out everyone's flaws and basically ruin everyone else's happiness. I bet he has no sense of humor."

"Strangely enough, he actually does, and when he's not making obscure references to things I've never heard of, or really offensive jokes about inappropriate subjects, he can be pretty funny."

"That was almost the first good thing you said about him. Minus the offensive humor or overly intellectual stuff. Damn. What a weird sounding guy. Now I almost want to meet him now, just to see if this is really true. Not to date him, mind you."

"Yeah, I guess I don't blame you. Heh heh heh. After talking about him, I realize he does seem like a pretty awkward and sad human being. So what did we come up with so far? He's arrogant and elitist, he writes pretentious and complicated music that no one else would understand. . ."

"Heh probably because he desperately wants to impress people."

"Ha, yeah, probably. That makes sense. So he's also really insecure about himself, and dwells on everything that sucks in his life, he's angry and bitter like an old man, he hates spirituality and religion, which, of course, is always a very inviting quality." *laughs*

" He's not a people person, he never goes outside of his dark cave, he's got weird issues with relationships and sex, and he's apparently offensive or obscure with his humor, which really, is just another way for him to act like an elitist I guess."

"Good point. Man, I guess he really has some serious psychological issues huh?"

"I'd say so, yeah. I almost feel sorry for him, the way you describe him. He sounds so pathetic and lonely. All this stuff about him acting overly intellectual and stuff, it sounds like he needs to impress everyone, or feel superior."

"Did I mention he barely has any money?!"

"Ha ha ha, please stop! I don't think this can get any better! Ha ha. . ."

"Well then. Pretend I never said anything about him! Ha ha ha. I think I might know someone else who you might actually want to date."

"As long as he's nothing like that guy! He he he he. So, are you feeling hungry at all?"




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Tags: humor self+deprecating terrible human being pathetic elitist pretentious awful