Death Of The Album, and The Death Of Music

Does anyone else feel fed up and bored with music these days? Does anyone else feel less excited upon hearing new music? And do you remember the last time you actually went out to buy an album, and not only that, but then were really blown away by it? And I mean the whole, entire album. I have been feeling this way for quite some time now.

Let me first say that the most important thing to me is composing new music. Depending on my mood and the piece I'm working on, it can still be one of the most thrilling and spiritual experiences I can obtain. My personal passion for writing music is as strong as it ever was.

That being said, let me bring us back to the current state of music.

More and more people are downloading their music instead of buying physical albums now. This story is by far nothing new and has been covered to death over the course of the last several years.

Why does this matter?

Well, in someways it matters not. People want music, which is good, and people get music, which is also good.

One of the biggest arguments against this is artist compensation, as a lot of people will download the songs they want for free through file sharing programs instead of buying the album. Should the artist be able to make money selling his or her art? Absolutely. Should a huge record company take the majority of the profits and leave the artist in debt to them? Not so much.

So how is downloading for free any different then making a copy of a friends cassette tape only a few decades ago, or burning a CD from someone, as some of us still do? Well, in my mind nothing. I've done both of these many times as I grew up. Many times, if I had burned off a CD, or made a good ol' tape of an album my friend had, if I really liked it, I would eventually go out and buy my own copy. Not always, mind you, but sometimes I would.

Now the point of this is not to address piracy or anti piracy, but to pull up a little dirt behind a few reasons, psychologically, we (see: some of us) download over buying the album.

For the sake of answering them later, let me ask a few questions out loud:

Do people want to buy albums?

Regardless of buying, do people even want a whole album anymore?

Do people just want the hit single(s)?

And if so, why?

Everyone loves to point blame at the fans and consumers. It's easy. THEY are the ones downloading right? THEY are the ones not going to record stores and buying the new hot album the radio tells them to buy. That means that the fault is all theirs! People just don't like albums anymore. That was easy. Case closed.

This a good theory to avoid the fact that soilent green is people. The machine is recycling it's own waste and giving it back to you. Let me illuminate.

Well, I for one, do not put the blame entirely in the consumer's hands. Sure, everyone should always take responsibility for their share of involvement, but also recognize when there are other factors leading to their decisions. The underlying subconscious motivations that have been building up for some time.

Let me pontificate on why many of us have become so used to, and in fact prefer to download a few songs here and there versus buying a whole album.

Ready for this? I blame the music itself. Yes, the music. And who is responsible for that music? The artists and the labels.

"So why do you blame the music?"

Follow me on this for a minute. If bands and artists no longer put out albums that are worthy of your time and money, people will eventually feel that - get this - albums are not worth their time or money. Startling!

How many times have you purchased a new album based on hearing one or two songs, say on the radio (if anyone still listens to that) or TV or something, only to be disappointed by the rest of the record? I'm going to assume a decent amount. At least where mainstream music is concerned, which is where this writing is primarily focused.

So now you have an album you just spent upwards of $18.99 list pice (remember Tower Records?), and you only like maybe two songs, or worse, just one. That renders the other 12 or so songs worthless, doesn't it? Why did you just waste your money? I bet you wish you could have just bought the song (s) that you liked. . . .

Hmmm. . . . ah HA!

One of my theories is that mainstream music has continually released mediocre and soul-less collections of "music" onto an unwitting public for so long that eventually the public responded like someone who has been burned one too many times in relationships. They move on.

So what happened? Do artists no longer care about putting out actual 'Art'? Do record labels really push their artists (or songwriters and producers in this case) to write a few "sure thing" songs that will sell and then quickly slap the rest together so they can start making money? Yes.

Lets start with easy easy one. Record labels.

Sure, they are like the faceless, evil corporations we love to hate in books and films, but are they all bad? No, of course not. But what started as engineers and producers who were not only in the actual, literal music business, and also really loved good music, turned into a giant corporate mechanism that churns out plastic discs.

Record labels will sign new bands and artists for financial reasons only. I'm sure you knew this one already. Most labels do not care how creative or talented the artist is, not to mention if they personally are moved by, or even enjoy the music that artist makes . Most often it is based on a mathematical formula involving the theory that "THIS band sounds really close to THAT band. If THAT band sold X amount of albums, we can market THIS band to those same fans, they will at least sell Y albums." Yes folks, no art. Just math. Again, nothing earth shattering here. But it is another point along the path.

Record labels do not care about art. Art means risk, and risk means it's not a sure thing.

This brings us to the second offenders, the artists themselves. If we follow the path I've mentioned so far we already have a band signed to a label not because of their creative potential, but because of quick turn around profits. So it's going to be difficult to depend on this average, to below-average talent pool to come up with a poignant piece of art. They may get lucky with those one or two songs you bought the album for, but everything else on that record is, unfortunately, filler.

What a sad term we had to coin. Album filler. Literally writing a song or songs just to take up space on a CD to pad in between the songs they actually spent a bit of time on. Is that the kind of record you want to buy? An album that even the artists themselves don't really care about enough to make it worth your while? This is the biggest thing of all for me in this chain: If a band or artist does not take the idea of music and an album of music seriously, guess what? The fans will eventually feel the same. If music is not treated as art, it won't be appreciate as art. It's hard to get excited about the food if the chef who makes it shrugs and says, "eh, it's ok". Boy, I really want to eat here again!

To add insult to injury, and then insult the injury again, there is a gross over saturation of "music" in the market place these days. There are just plain and simple, too many bands. Everyone you talk to is in a band. Everyone. And I'm sure you are familiar with the concept of percentages. With so many new bands and artists out there, that means there is a whole bunch of really great music now right? . . . . And with the current trend in music pointing towards the super simplification of music, and the glorification of people who cannot play their instruments well, it's no wonder music seems to be so dull and lifeless now.

I have always felt that, at least for me, music should be art. Music should move people, make them think and feel. Music can be impactful and life-changing. Music can help us through difficult situations and inspire us to grow and better ourselves. Music has the potential to help shape the general consciousness and literally change the world. Yes, I really do believe all of this. But most of the music right now has dropped the ball. In fact, I so strongly believe in the power of music that I think a lot of the music out right now is actually helping to regress us as a social consciousness. Yes. Move us backwards on the path to continued enlightenment and self awareness. I told you it's powerful shit.

It's as simple as this. If people are given an album worthy to purchase, they will purchase it. Do people want a really good album? Hell, I know I do, but it is getting very hard to find at the moment.

Once the industry as a whole understands that people don't really enjoy the taste of feces, and would rather have fillet mignon, maybe, just maybe they will see why they no longer have a job in the music business.

Let's bring art back to the people.

Valentines Day Musings

I was going back and forth debating whether or not to post anything in regards to Valentines Day. I know it's an easy topic to criticize, and I'm betting that there will be a significant number of blogs posted today with more or less the same sentiment, nevertheless, I have observations that I wanted to get collected as well.

Without further ado, my blog: Valentines Day Musings.

I've only had one good Valentines Day. One in. . . .well. . . .a good handful anyway. Ever since I was old enough to have the concept of love mean something to me, I began to place a small bit of importance to February 14th. I was inundated with commercials, movies, music and books that pushed idealized love, and for that matter, a particular day to show that love. At the beginning, this was all taken for granted. But as many of you find when growing up and dealing with reality, and people, you begin to lose your glossy outlook on life, and unfortunately, love.

The easiest thing to say here (and coincidentally, the most obvious) is that Valentines Day is just that. A Day. Just another day in which many companies desperately plot to sell their wares to you, and even more clever, make you feel guilty for not purchasing their wares. Similar the many other yearly staple of obligatory holidays like Christmas, father's/mother's day, birthdays, halloween, and the biggest offender of all, Canada Day!

Knowing full well that most of these holidays are now entirely driven by companies and their "must have" goods, does not change the fact that this day is built around the fallacy of idealized love. You've probably noticed, but most people's relationships are not like the movies. Many couples get together as a mistake, or as a result of too much alcohol. Most couples won't last, and the ones that do often stay together, not because of true love, or even regular love. Comfortability is a common bond. Staying together because it's easy. Or staying together out of fear of the unknown. Sometimes it's worse. Sometimes they stay together for only physical attraction when they fight, scream, hurt, abuse and cheat on one another regularly. Good times. Why don't they show that couple on commercials? That's at least real.

I can tell you personally that having the notion of idealized, perfect love has not helped me in my strange journey through life. Trust me, it's a beautiful concept and when displayed in stories, songs and film, it is everything you ever hoped for. But the side effects are that we get these ideals in our subconscious and forever distort our more healthy, grounded understanding of two people interacting, into something that can never be obtained, leaving us forever unsatisfied and unfulfilled. But wait - there's more!

The result of all this Valentines Day hulabaloo is actually often the opposite of the original intention by only causing those without a relationship to feel lonely and unworthy, just in it's inherent nature. This feeling can also make us question ourselves and put in a need for finding a significant other. What this is basically telling me in so many words is that I am no good on my own, and 'everyone else' is in a relationship and therefore so must I be. Not really the best affirmation for self-empowerment is it?

What about those of us in a relationship during the obligatory "you better do something nice for me" day? Does it really offer the great romantic potential that we see plastered all over our TV screens? I'm going to go ahead and just say 'no' here. I think that many a "V-day" has the chance to be pleasant and nice, but I'm going to wager that the truth of the matter is that it's really more stress and disappointment then anything else. How romantic can it be to receive a gift or gesture of affection when it is subliminally required? Hell, it's not even subliminal, it's direct and shoved down your throat! Back to the matter, yes, it's always nice to be thought of. But it's not quite as thoughtful when you realize that they were supposed to think of you, in a way, required to think of you. Isn't what in part makes something romantic is the fact that it is not fully expected? Getting a gift from someone on a random day to show they were just thinking of you seems to me a greater sign of that persons interest in you. That or they are cheating and feeling guilty. I'm trying to stay with the former here.

Many of these holidays have far too much expectation built around them. Once there is the requirement to do something or buy something for someone, expectations set in and forever skew your enjoyment of said gestures. Either it was not good enough, or it was the same as last year, or the same as an ex-lover who you are not on good terms with, or you just end up feeling guilty because your other made more effort then you and made you feel that your mindless contribution to the monetary obligation machine was less then.

And yet, with all of this very heady talk of analyzing this and that, and fully realizing that this day has no power or real meaning, my emotions still get the best of me and for whatever reason, make me wish I still had someone to feel obligated to buy something for.

Examination Of Why I Post Blogs

Just an observation:

Is it just me, or does it ever seem like you mostly post these silly blogs when you are not in a good place in your life? Maybe not. But it for sure seems that way to me.

I would have to say that most of the things I have posted on here (besides something promotion wise) was posted out of some sort of shitty emotion, i.e. being angry, depressed, lonely, etc.

Additionally, I know that most of the time I feel compelled to post my thoughts and feelings is when I am between relationships. Strange eh?

Is this due to the fact that being single, you are looking for attention? I guess it could explain on a subconscious level why I might post more in this state. I'm sure there are other reasons wrapped in there as well.

There are times, of course, that I may be exceptionally excited about an event or person/place/thing (remember your nouns), that I am called away to the magic (see: waste of time) of the internet to post my thoughts about whatever may be, so that 4 or 5 random people may skim through it and leave a pointless comment about it.

One thing to think about (at least for myself) is the fact that I don't really have a lot of friends. I know plenty of people, but I guess by choice and my charming elitist attitude, I keep very few people close to me. I do, however, have several levels of acquaintances ranging from those that I may say hello to, and those that are almost what I consider friends.

Why do I mention this? Well, in posting a blog about my state of mind on the public forum of the McWeb--, I am inviting anyone to read a text based reflection of myself at a given moment in time. Now most of the people on here I would consider an acquaintance, by which I mean no offense. But do I really care what people will think or say in regards to this? Not really, no.

So in summation I guess this is really just some sort of personal therapeutic vehicle for collecting and focusing my mind, rather then a plea for attention to those I rarely speak with. At least I hope so.

I guess I will be posting some more blogs for a while. 'Tis the season. Unfortunately.

Studio Upgrade Part 1: The Waiting

Greetings kiddos!

I've decided to chronicle the upgrade of Crucial Fiction Studios, which as you might have figured out, is my personal home studio.

This first blog will consist mostly of me explaining my recent frustrations and the reason for the sub-heading "the waiting...". In the next installment, I will spend the time explaining in detail the transformation from my old home studio, to my new sexy beast of a semi-real deal studio, complete with photos and a fairly comprehensive breakdown of the new equipment I will now have the pleasure of using in my musical arsenal. I know there are a few of you who are actually interested in knowing what technological toys people use, and all three of you will be in luck....but not until the next blog.

So here's my story so far:

I've had a small project studio for a little while now, which I've put to good use so far doing the preproduction for Sweet Painful Reality in 2002, and the entire production of Empyreal Progeny in 2003 and 2004. Lately I have been reaching the limitations of what my current set up can do, and therefore, with the help of some generous investments, I have been acquiring the necessary components of my much needed (and very exciting) studio upgrade.

I have been an avid ProTools user for many years now (pun intended for those that get it). So when I found an amazing deal on Digidesign's website advertising a Protools LE 7 bundle with a Control 24 and a bunch of extras for a discounted price, I jumped at the opportunity.

Oddly, Digidesign did not offer the super sweet package through their own website, but instead directed me to the nearest authorized dealer - in this case a local Guitar Center. With money in my account and a twinkle in my eye (dramatization), I skipped the light fandango into said Guitar Center and promptly asked the first competent looking sales associate in the Pro Audio section to order in the aforementioned bad ass bundle.

Well, after looking in their system for several minutes seeming confused, the associate told me he had to look on Digi's website himself to figure out what the deal was. Armed with this new online information, he searched their computers yet again to no avail. Finding no information, he decided to call Digidesign personally and ask them about this ProTools bundle. I guess they must have cleared things up, as he seemed confident that he could get it in, but they required a down payment before he could put the order through. No problem, I can do that.

The next day I waltz (thats a slow 3/4 with accents on 2 and 3) into the place ready to put down the money and get the ball rolling on my extreme joy. I have to admit I am rather naive when it comes to financial matters, and not realizing that there is a limit on debit cards (I know, it's stupid of me), tried to put this multi-thousand dollar purchase in its entirety, on the card.

Nope. WHA??!! Lets try it again.

Nope. Huh? I'm good for the money, what's the deal?

Now I get the fun of being on hold for a half hour while calling the bank to authorize a large purchase on my card, and the hold music is terrible. Finally I get a person on the line and I tell them the situation and ask them to help me make this purchase. I receive the information that I need to call to local branch instead, then she transfers me and I get to listen to the great hold music again. SWEET!!! So far, so good.

I'm an easily frustrated person, but I'm willing to endure a bit more then normal to get my god damn ProTools system.

Still holding.....

Ah! A person!

"Still there sir? Sorry. They should pick up any second now."

Neat. So i decide to hit the speaker button on the phone to entertain the Pro Audio associate with the shitty hold music.

The same lady gets on the line again, asks for my number and tells me they will call me back in a few minutes. Oh good.

Guess what? More time passes and then I finally get a call from the bank. With a long sigh, I answer the phone.

"My name is so and so (he had hippy parents) and I need to verify some recent transactions for security purposes."

Now they think I have stolen my own credit card. So now I am put into the awkward place of trying to prove that I am indeed who I say I am, and that the recent "purchases" (which didn't even go through) were made by that same person (me).

After all of this, I still can't use my card to pay for what I'm here for, but at least, thank god, I know that I am me.

So I bypass everything and just get a cashiers check. Problem solved!! It's smooth sailing from here on out!! THE ENTIRE REST OF MY LIFE WILL BE EASY PICKIN'S!! YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!! So I hand it over with relief and get assured that everything will arrive next wednesday. Sounds good.

The following days pass at an agonizingly slow pace. I spend most of my time online staring at the photos of the awesome technological heroin I would soon overdose in.

Wednesday finally rears its ugly head after so much taunting. I run into Guitar Center like Calvin checking the mailbox for his propeller beanie. I ask with doe eyes about my package...my protools package. After making a few calls to other sales associates, I get informed that it did not arrive that day, but it should be there the very next day. DAMN YOUSE!!!!

Thursday I happen to be in the neighborhood, and decide to stop in and check on my baby. Again I get shot through the heart, and they are to blame. Nope. No Protools sexiness for me. try again the next day. ARRRRRGGGGGGG!!!!

On Friday I wise up a little, and call first. If you have been reading this far, I'm sure you can guess what happens next:

BOOBS.

Good. You're still with me. Anyway, yes, they don't have it. Obviously I am very frustrated by now having gone home with blue balls several times in a row.

The next week is spent primarily waiting until Guitar Center opens, calling them to bug them about my shipment, being bitterly disappointed, then crying into a pint of Heath Bar Crunch.

Then I get a call from my friend at Guitar Center telling me that he spoke to Digidesign, and no one seemed to know what was going on with my package (feel free to giggle at the word package). Nothing had even shipped and apparently they didn't have many of the pieces necessary to complete the glory of the bundle.

What??!! If you advertised that you were selling something, wouldn't you make sure you actually had a good number of that product in your inventory to actually sell to people who have money? Sure you would, because you subscribe to obvious logic.

Okay, so they don't have all of the parts and they won't let my friend at G.C. fill in those missing pieces with products he has on hand at his store. Swell. I have an idea! How about I wait a long time!!??

It's been two weeks since then and I have been in contact periodically with my "dude" at G.C. who has usually just spoken to someone at Digi again, and gives me similar news: "they still don't have the parts, sorry. But you are their top priority now."

Awww gee. Just give me the fucking bundle!

After a few more monotonous set backs, things have finally shipped and now I am just waiting for it to come in (this time for real we think....). My new time frame is earliest tomorrow (saturday) and most likely Monday / Tuesday. I can't type the word 'sigh' enough.

Well, I wasted too much of your time with my bitching for the night. Soon I will have my vindication in hardware and software form and I will rejoice to the heavens above (or below if you are cocky. See: "Raining Unlike Water").

Next blog should be 100% bitch-free, and instead be bloated with silly photos and technical jargon!

Hip Hop Essay Part 1: The Music

Hip Hop Essay Part 1
Hip hop part 1: The Music

Welcome to my two part commentary on Hip Hop music and culture. Please understand that what follows is just one person's opinions. You are not required to agree. I would like to also acknowledge that the following dissertation applies only to mainstream hip hop music and culture (MTV, Radio, mass media), and I do understand that there are many underground artists that do not fit into the arguments and points stated below.



Once, a long long time ago, there was an era where in order to be in the music "business" (I use the word business in quotes here due to the fact that up until the 1950s the music business wasn't the billion dollar empire we know and love today), you had to be a musician. Now, call me old fashioned if you want, but I am still of this mindset. You may be asking, "What does this have to do with Hip Hop?!" Hold your horses my fine feathered friend, and do read on.

Generally, a person would spend a great deal of time practicing their instrument, and gaining experience writing songs, melodies, chord patterns and the like. This simple aspect, I feel, is missing from today's mainstream hip-hop scene.

To me, it separates the genre further out from most other forms of music, in that the namesake behind many of today's most over-saturated "artists" are not musicians at all, hence, one who creates or plays music. Instead, this portion of the song (see: any and all musical and rhythmic anything) is farmed out to the role of the Producer. The Producer's job inside the hip-hop arena, is to essentially create that "artist's" entire song from the ground up, while said namesake contributes Lyrics.

Luckily for this hip hop figurehead, his (or hers, but mostly his) producer has been nice enough to take all of the hard work out of making an album, leaving this person more time to spend yet unearned album-advance money on important things like rims and platinum-capped teeth. Can you imagine all the time this person would have wasted spending years learning an instrument, and learning to write songs even if only utilizing the most basic musical ideas? That path is for losers.

When I ask people why they enjoy hip hop, one of the first responses is usually something to the effect of: "I like music with a good beat". Lately, I have to admit, hearing this phrase makes me wince. I heard two people say this at work the other day when talking about getting new sound systems installed in their cars. "Gotta have my beats," one employee stated while bobbing his head to signify the "beats" he had to have. I think the reason this makes me upset is that when worded this way, it doesn't even sound like one is talking about music anymore, but simplistic ear-fodder for nodding.

I will concede here and admit that there are several hip hop songs with a very catchy groove pattern, coupled with memorable hooks. Usually very danceable, and I assume this is what people like about it. I too enjoy dancing, and I enjoy having good songs to dance to. But a song can still be memorable and catchy without necessarily being danceable.

One unfortunate side of this (at least for me), is the repetition of the programmed beat itself, and more often then not, the bass-line, and whatever extra layers therein. Now as we've just established, the majority of these mainstream hip hop songs are made with dance clubs as a priority, so redundancy can actually prove an asset when pounding a chorus into people's brains. I for one have never really been into grossly repetitive music, though I'm sure I still may be guilty of liking one or two along the way, which I freely admit.

On the subject of beats, I'm disappointed in the lack of creativity I hear in these over-played songs. I rarely, if ever hear a hip hop song pushing any experimental boundaries outside of the world of 4/4 time. Not that one has to have every song in 5/8 or 11/16 to be classified as "creative", far from it. I'm merely bringing up a simple observation that I just don't hear much variance across the board. An easy explanation for this could be that odd time signatures can make a song awkward to dance to...Or maybe no one cares to innovate and try new things.

Another thing I rarely hear, is a live drummer on hip hop records. If people think hip hop is really all about the beats, then why not get a live drummer on the tracks and have them play some great grooves that breathe and change during the song?

I recall seeing performances on television where big name rap stars had a full live band to back them for the one-off event. I remember thinking how much more interesting, energetic and enjoyable the artist/songs were with all of these musicians playing their instruments with him. Yet, when hearing the album version of the same song(s), I was disappointed to hear the same old drum machine beats, without the minor changes and nuances of a human player.

The next element is the actual music portion of the song, which by in large consists of a bass-line and possibly a few sound loops that repeat the same thing throughout the duration of the track. Not a lot to comment on here. This is obviously the least important part of the song, given its generally minimalistic nature and the lack of effort put into it. It's interesting to observe that in many hop hop songs, the "music" is the least important part of the music.

Lastly we have the lyrics. Yes, yes, how to begin? Let me start off by saying that I used to listen to a lot of hip-hop/R&B during the early 90s, when I was a youngin. Some of the artists people will shrug off and laugh at today, but never the less, I did listen. What I liked was the fun and positive vibe from the early days of hip hop, and yes, to tie into the paragraph above, the fact that many of the songs were great to dance to. But as soon as gangsta rap crossed into the norm, I transitioned into different styles of music.

I do understand that when gangsta rap first became popular, it did have a message and was portraying something that was real and hadn't been talked about much in music before. The lyrics spoke of injustices and hardships that most of middle-class America never paid attention to.

Jump forward in time and one gets the impression that mainstream rap has lost its message. I do believe that the basic concept of rap is rhythmic poetry set to a beat. If I am correct, let's go down the checklist.

Beat? Check.

Rhythm? Check.

Poetry? .................um....sometimes?

It is in my humble opinion, that all the 'art' from hip hop has been gradually drained away (Once again, I am talking about mainstream, pop culture hip hop, not the select underground groups which don't apply here).

Music is supposed to be art. If the art from hip hop is no longer there, can it still truly be music?

You can try to follow along with the lyrics to many 'songs' these days, only to get quickly confused as to the point the rapper is trying to make. Random words and sentences sewn together in a haphazard tapestry of nothingness. Try to make sense out of a lot of these anti-lyrical lyrics and one starts to wonder if there really is any real point at all. Maybe the author is just writing over my head. Maybe his lyrics are too ahead of his time and will not be understood for another hundred years. Or maybe this all-wise author is actually too uneducated to form a serious and cohesive statement.

"But He's rhymin' yo. Dats poetry!"

I'm sorry friends, but rhyming for the pure sake of rhyming does not poetry make. Especially rhyming the same word with itself in excess of 3 and 4 times. Some of the better poetry I've heard in my lifetime has used free-verse non-rhyming schemes, therefore giving the author the room he needs to express his thoughts without the restrain of being confined to rhyming every or every other line.

And I don't care how many times you mention your own name in a song, you're still not convincing me that art is taking place here. In fact, the more I hear the artist mentioning his own name in the song, the more it becomes a commercial, not real music.

Most of what I hear these days, and for the past several years, has been a three and a half minute long self-glorification with a desperate plea for the world to "look at me!!"

Yes guy, I see you. Apparently you have a lot of money since to appear to be driving expensive cars and throwing one hundred dollar bills around like they are covered with the ebola virus. This is something I look up to you for, thanks for calling my attention to it. You know, now that I think about it, money is everything. And thank god I have money, because it also buys happiness.

Material possessions (including women), money and "look how cool I am", have been shoved in my face for quite sometime now. I get it. You have no real message. For all the repetition of "Keepn' it Real", there is not much real about it. It is an image, a style. A chance for people to hear them and think how cool/tough/pimpn' they are. There is not much to be admired about cocky, ego-centric boasting. If someone is truly "cool", they would not be so insecure as to have to point that fact out to you several times a day.

The lack of real self expression though poetry, or at least thought-out words, is quite evident. Where are these individual's thoughts and ideas? Where are their personal perspectives on life and all things within it? Is Hip hop a form of self-expression? If so, I'm still searching for any clear and real message beyond the childishness of the ego.

Though I feel like an ass saying this (sometimes), the more I consider all of these points, the less and less I feel that hip hop can even be considered music. I would love to see some new artists come out with something fresh, musical and artistic and prove me wrong. I really would.

The Adventures Of Crack Guy and Neanderthal

Here is a great post about an odd story that happened to myself and my friend Ty one evening. I let Ty type up the experience and re-posted his memories of the night. Enjoy!

I get a call from Niko last night about how a girl has basically been calling him none stop to come to a house party that she’s hosting. Niko is debating on whether or not to go and would really like for me to buddy up with him so that he won’t have to brave the dangers of unknown house parties alone. Of course, with nothing better to do, I agree.


After picking up Niko we begin our long trek to an unknown location somewhere East of Denver. After about 45 minutes of driving and trying to figure out the directions this girl wrote out we eventually find the house. As we pull up we see some guy just standing in the garage. What could he be doing and more importantly, are we at the right house? We finally decide to just walk up to the house and investigate the situation. As we near the man we see that he is of mexican decent and at least 40 years old. Niko asks if Monica (the girl) is around and he says yeah, she’s in the house somewhere. We then enter into the house, and thus, a nightmare of a situation.


We enter and notice that there aren’t too many people in the house, probably around 20 total. The odd thing about the situation is that about half of them are seemingly 40 and up. Monica sees us, comes over and we shoot the shit for a while. She’s clearly drunk at this point and continually points out that she has a hair tie on her wrist so that if she has to throw up she’ll be prepared. That’s right, she’s a thinking women! As we hear her ramble on about things I don’t even want to recall I see this big mass of dark colors approaching me out of my peripheral vision. I turn to see what it could possibly be and it’s this giant white guy with long hair and a hoodie. He stands next to me for a few seconds and then he starts to ask me if I have any drugs, to which is say nay. As he is talking I can’t help but notice how much he looks like all of those "primitive man" pictures you see in science text books and evolution charts. He is freakishly tall (about 6’5"-ish), hunched over and incredibly bulky, he has a forehead that actually manages to stick out further than the rest of his face, he has the protruding brow and lastly an incredibly ape like mouth area. I have never believed more in evolution than last night. As if all of these things weren’t bad enough, when he opened his mouth it literally looked like a grenade exploded in his mouth. He had teeth pointing in just about every direction possible. As an added bonus his speech was really slow and his reaction time was even slower. We called him Neanderthal.


I do not know what brought this guy to me but my theories point to him seeing that Niko and I had long hair and thus he felt like we could relate to him. After talking to him for a few minutes he left and everything was right in the world again...or so we thought. This older guy comes stumbling out of the kitchen and notices Niko and I. He was probably 45, had a pony tail coming out of the trucker hat he was wearing, looked to be way to tan and for lack of a better description it seemed as though he didn’t have enough skin for his face. His face literally looked stretched. He, too, asked if we had any drugs, to which we said nay again. He then went on about how much he loved Alice Cooper and that people often times mistaken him for Alice when he would sing. This guy was by fair the most cracked out, drunk guy I have ever meet in my life. He was starring off into space, wobbling around violently, speaking with a slur, and wildly looking around in general. To boot, when he would open his mouth at all his lips would curl up and his teeth would be fully exposed.


Niko told Monica to help us get away from this guy and she clearly didn’t understand what he was asking because she just said out loud, for all to hear, "Let’s go downstairs!" Crack Guy, the aforementioned cracked out guy, was all for that idea as he followed us downstair. Once downstairs Monica and Niko took one of the couches and I was lucky enough to share a couch with Crack Guy. I got to hear about his his two ex-wives and about how they took everything from him. He then went on about his first ex-wife, whom he had a child with. And I quote,"When my first wife got pregnant *wobble wobble* she was like I’m gonna get an abortion and I was like fuck no you ain’t...this is my first child and you can’t be killing it. So she ends up having the child and like a week later she just leaves me. Then...the government came and took my child because I hadn’t been paying my income taxes and I was like man, I taught this baby how to shit and piss for like the first five years of it life and then they just take it."
This is basically the guys mentality, blame others for everything that happens to him. Plus, I don’t really think that the government is going to overlook poor tax management just because you taught a child how to piss and shit. He then goes on to point out that his first wife married four other times but now she wants him back because I guess he’s the real winner out of all the other guys.


Eventually Neanderthal finds his way downstair and he proceeds to play with these two children, one was 6 for sure and I’m guessing the other was 10-ish, that are running around in the house. They continually run past him and after a few seconds he reacts to the gust of wind he feels by raising his arms in the air and making a growling sound. This goes on for several minutes. He then proceeds to tell us "man, I love these kids man, it reminds me of my nieces that I use to play with." He literally told us this every other minute for probably 15-20 minutes.


Eventually Crack Guy and Neanderthal start talking about there high school days.
CG (Crack Guy): Man, when I was in school I was like a 3.22 student but like they called me F-Troop in gym class because I got an F in it.


N (Neanderthal): I know dude, I totally failed gym class too!
CG: All these bitches were like doing laps on I’m like up on the bleachers just like smoking a joint and shit.


N: Me too dude, I mean, the coach is like "go run laps and shit" and I’m like fuck you cause all he does is sit around while we run. So I would like go back behind the school and smoke some weed to man.


High five!


I think it’s very safe to say that both of these guys, mostly Crack Guy, are two of the biggest losers I have ever meet. I usually don’t like to make such huge judgments like this but I know this to be true. Crack Guy will now be the measuring stick by which I will measure all other losers I meet to. I think it’s also important to point out that Niko and I literally said nothing to Crack Guy. We would simply agree or smile at what he was saying and he probably talked to us for an hour and a half.


Just for added enjoyment, and a lack of any real place to put them, I’ve decided to end this blog with several quotes from Crack Guy. Enjoy.


"The way to make money is to like...get customers!"


"I knew Tony Hawk man...that guy was a bitch."


"Man, if you’re going to have to take a drug test and like...you’ve been doin’ drugs then you should get someone else’s piss. But remember, it needs to be warm. If it ain’t just pop it in the microwave for like 15 seconds. Pee should always be between 90-100 degrees."


"You know what I believe in? I believe that you shouldn’t hit women and you shouldn’t slap kids. That’s what I believe in. But man, if a woman hits you like a man...then you just slap her like a bitch. But I don’t believe in violence."

Wow you like all types of music? Prove it!

Wow, fantastic! You really like pretty much everything?! Quite the wide range of tastes there friend!

I'm really sick of reading how people say they like "pretty much all types of music." What an extremely broad statement to make. If it were true, I'd commend you on being extremely open and diverse in your musical interests, but alas, it usually is all ignorance.

"What? How is saying you like all types of music, ignorance?!"

Hold on there sport, I'll tell ya.

Let's take one of aforementioned persons who claims to like all types of music. One thing I see pretty consistently is the following:

MUSIC: Rap, R&B, Pop, rock, pretty much everything! LOL!!

First off, stop typing "lol", it makes you look like an idiot. Secondly, a heaping four genres do not comprise the entirety of the music universe, giving you allowance to use the phrase, "pretty much everything". Why is it that people who say such naive things usually list their primary forms of music digestion as Rap and R&B?? (Rhetorical)

When I encounter such a person on the topic of music, I usually first congratulate them on having such an open mind, then proceed with my usual disarming:

So, do you listen to Country?

"No, I don't really like Country"

Oh. Well, do you listen to Progressive Melodic Death Metal?

"Huh? I don't like anything heavy with the 'rah rah rah' (makes silly growling sounds) stuff in it."

I see. Well do you enjoy Cajun Zydeco music?

"I've never even heard of that!"

So you don't actually like ALL TYPES OF MUSIC DO YOU!!!!!

People, it's okay to enjoy a certain type of music, or a small number of bands/genres. There are many things I don't enjoy myself. But please just acknowledge that there are more styles of music out there then what you can find on the radio and MTV. The moral of today's story: Stop saying you like all types of music. You are wrong.