Well, instead of taking something nice and wiping my ass with it (in a fun, sarcastic, and mentally stimulating way), I'm going to do the opposite. It's time for me to redeem a fundamental concept that has gotten sullied in its common usage, and give it a successful rebranding campaign. (Just like how insurance genius' AIG rebranded themselves as the new, totally different AIU!! Wow, now I totally trust them with my money again! HERE!!! HAVE IT!!!!!).
As per the title of the blog, you know I'm referring to the concept of selfishness.
SLANDERED IN BUTTER
How often have you heard the following, as used in a derogatory tone of voice?
"Oh, [insert name here]. She's so selfish!"
Or. . .
"All he does is think about himself. I hate selfish people."
You've heard it countless times right? I'm sure you've even said something similar yourself, haven't you? C'mon, I know you have. I'll bet you just hate it when people just think about themselves all the time, eh? The selfish bastards! Let's get 'em!! (. . . a pony).
Yes, selfishness. "Ol' Slandery" they call it. Can you recall a time (be specific to the minute) that you've heard the word selfish not used as an insult or an negative quality? Hurry up, time is money (not to mention fleeting, and "a' changin' ").
You can't do it can you?
You can't do it because most of us have taken the word in its social pejorative meaning for granted, most likely putting it in league with terms like "Childish" (as opposed to child like) and Fecal Raper (of which the origin is surprisingly quaint and demure).
With this common view of the apparent awfulness of selfishness, and therefore the quality of thinking about one's self first and foremost, how could I possibly redeem such a concept?
Nevermind, I don't feel like it anymore. Goodnight. End of Blog.
HUMAN NATURE. NOW WITH LESS TRANS FATS!
Let's make this as easy as possible. Probably because it is. (How was that for condescension?)
Selfishness is. . . .*drumroll*. . . human nature.
It is at the very core of who you are, embedded at the most primitive sectors of our brains. Does that alone justify it? Fuckin' A!! No. Just because something is part of you does not make it good or bad. Selfishness, at its heart, is simply the act of putting yourself as first priority. Basically, it is the basis of our own survival, the ability to look out for one's self, and ensure one's own lineage. Without the ability of being selfish, we would not be here today, as we would have all died off thousands upon thousands of years ago, continuously and irritatingly asking everyone else around them how they are feeling, and if they are sure they are okay, while being slowly devoured by a pack of angry, frothing timber wolves.
It's absolutely natural, right on par with consuming oxygen, and when exercised within reason, is perfectly acceptable and normal. Not everyone will agree mind you, but I do, and I'm the one writing this essay, hence I matter more.
Understanding the inherent concept of selfishness as a natural, neither good nor bad mechanism, is essential if you're the kind of person who enjoys not feeling guilty about things that are built deep into your perception, behavior, and priorities. "Oh shit I'm breathing again! I'm going to chastise myself as I drown my guilt in a gallon of Ben & Jerry's! Oh shit, now I'm eating too!!"
ONE SIMPLE QUESTION
So we've talked about selfishness being an evolutionary survival mechanism, which is all hunky dory, but that's only the natural history of why selfishness can be redeemed in the modern understanding. Let's get some more personal, nay, selfish reasons.
One obvious, and rhetorical question I find my self asking people quite often, when on one of my mutli-hour tirades about selfishness, is the following:
"Who is the only person that you are your entire life?"
On the surface it seems like a silly question to ask. The answer is face-palmingly redundant, yet it begins to make my point.
All you can, and will ever be for all of your existence is yourself. Do you agree? Then does it not make sense to do things that benefit the self? To put yourself (remember that means you) first? How is that bad again?
THE PEACE CORPS
This has to be one of my favorite examples of the concept of selfishness in action.
I overheard a conversation between my sister and her friend as they sat smoking cigarettes on the deck one starry evening.
Quoth the friend:
"My roommate tried to tell me that what I want to do is selfish. I was like, 'no way', cause I want to go into the peace corps, so I can help people all over the world. How is that selfish?"
Oh little one, how naive and unaware you are. But how ripe you are with self-perception gold!
Our first indicator that her interests are selfish is in her language. Specifically the use of the word "I". "I want to do this. . .", "I want to help so and so". It comes down to what she wants for herself, less so what the effect of her actions on others will be. Language is a wonderful giveaway to our desires, even if we, ourselves, are unaware of what we truly want and why.
Let me give you a scenario. Now give me one. Good, I enjoyed our little exchange. Now let's get back to mine for a second since it is better than yours. Agreed?
Pretend that the entirely non-selfish thing that you like to do is give money to homeless people. You feel that you are helping out those in need, doing your part for a better world etc. That can't possibly be selfish can it?
Well now let's pretend that every time you give any money to someone in need, as in the homeless, you were instantly overcome with paralyzing pain throughout your entire body. Would you still continue to be so charitable?
ALTRUISM
"But what about altruism? What about people performing selfless acts?"
Well, Fictitious Amalgam For Reactionary Purposes, after what I've said so far, you still feel that the concept of altruism makes a lot of sense in the practical world? Are you waiting patiently inside an easily-burstable bubble? Well then. . .
No, altruism is simply another word in the dictionary that adheres to our wants and emotional desires like love or dingleberry. Boy, it sure would be nice if people were completely selfless, right? Nice? Ridiculous.
Selflessness, and therefore altruism are entirely unnatural concepts, and more importantly, literally impossible. It is counter to human nature to be able to not include yourself, or your personal well being into your thoughts about others. All that we do is follow our selfish base desires which stem from our irrational emotions (see: The Feel Good Fix). Yes folks, everything and anything we think, do or say is only done because of how it will make us feel, selfishly.
YOU'RE STILL SELFISH!
To say that selfishness is always fine and good would be a gross reverse generalization on my part (which you probably expect from me by now). However, to be fair (me?), it can indeed cross a line where it goes back to the standby version you all know and love. When someone's selfish behavior directly causes someone else harm, it can indeed be negative (unless the harm caused is extremely humorous, then it's justified).
Realizing that everything you do is inherently selfish may make you feel uncomfortable or unhappy at first (like the way I feel most of the time), which is to be expected, as we have to unlearn the prevailing ideas regarding selfishness as an entirely negative concept. But over time, I think it may actually benefit you to know that looking out for yourself does not actually make you a dick. The fact that you are a rude, inconsiderate, pretentious moron makes you a dick. Dick.
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Tags: selfish selfishness selfless altruism altruist sarcasm human nature redeeming philosphoshy psychology awareness humor
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