(Well, actually, since March, so, ya know, no. Not a year. Why I am I doing this then?).
Ah, fuck it.
Everyone loves Time Life's amazing greatest hits compilations!
No... no.... I said everyone.
....EVERYONE!!!
Stop shaking your head.
(Or continue, see if I care... *sniff*)
I figure many of you began to read some of my meandering mind vomit only recently, and in that case you've missed some (I was about to say 'great')... mildly entertaining posts. (And there was one time that something I said was insightful too. I'm like totally serious and stuff).
So with that in mind, I thought it would be wise to assemble (no disassemble!), some of my personal "best" posts (best is a subjective term, as you soon shall see), so that you can relive my anger, depression, and charming insecure smugness all over again!
WHAT IS THE KING OF DEPRECATION?
Some of you who are newer to this blog may be asking, "What is this horseshit I'm reading?" (In fact, many of you who have read for a while as still asking yourselves that).
Good question.
Contrary to popular opinion, my goal is actually NOT to be yet another asshole on the internet who thinks he's "hot shit".
I know, I know. Probably news to you.
In fact, my goal is to get people to analyze their own lives, beliefs and views by giving introspective, sometimes odd, but hopefully entertaining personal accounts of my own observations on myself and the outside world.
You know, stuff no one cares about: philosophy, psychology, self examination.
In essence, life lessons from an insecure, overly-emotional pretentious elitist.
So, I guess you were right the first time:
"Horseshit."
JESUS CHRIST!! FINALLY!! THE 10 BEST OF 2009
Below I've put together my 10 favorite essays from this first year of The King Of Deprecation.
You'll notice (because I just told you), that most of these essays are from the second half of the year, as most of the ones in the first half were too shitty. Or bare minimum 'okay-ish'. Hey, you have to start somewhere, leave me alone.
All right, grab some individually popped kernels of corn, open your fly, and prepare to be... whelmed.
10. The Inefficacy Of Prayer
Likely to be controversial for some, due to my billion reasons why prayer is ridiculous, it still manages to throw in some great humorous moments, like the Trivial God speech, and dealing with prayer in sports.
Good times.
9. Internal And External Priorities
Breaking down complicated approaches to life by putting people into two distinct categories of priorities. Say, does this sound a little too black and white? Yes. Yes it does. Still good observations, and a decent amount of personal examples of my weird perspective to connect with (probably not).
8. Passion Or Practicality?
The first blog I've written that destroyed a friendship! Not that I'm proud of that, in fact I actually feel pretty bad about it. Boy, it just shows how powerful writing these things can be.
I still feel that there are some good insights into how we behave and what we look for in relationships in this essay.
7. The Ebb And Flow... And Ebb
My self examination is in full force, as I search into the very nature of my emotional life, and with it, the natural cycle of our lives. Fuck I'm poignant!
6. A Spoonful Of Relationships Will Cure What Ails Ya!
A long rant on the idea that relationships in general will solve all of life's problems. Which, by the way, is fucking stupid. Feel the laughter, enjoy the brutality.
5. The Depression Panacea
A great personal revelation about my own happiness and my creativity/productivity. Perhaps you might be able to get some applicable information for yourself.
I can't think of anything funny to say right now. That's sad. Bitterly sad. Now I'm depressed.
4. Sports Hatred
Probably my most attacking and acerbic post thus far. Perhaps out of the norm, with much less self-deprecation, but all in all quite high-larious and angry. I spend a lot of time making fun of stereotypes in sports fans, like DEBs, and then go "all psychological on your ass".
3. Too Early For Suicide?
Somehow I managed to make a moment in time where I considered killing myself, humorous and entertaining. Oh, and bleak and depressing too, obviously. But in such a lovely, readable way.
2. Revenge Of Jehovah's Witnesses
If any of my blogs this year could earn the review "edge of your seat thrills" it's this one. An epic battle of wits told through numerous movie, novel and video game references. Oh, it also deals with religion, so if you get offended easily, you should work on that.
1. Your Self Projection Has Potential
One of my favorite posts of the year, personally. Perhaps my best so far? A great theory on how we look at others, and how much of what we see in them is really there. (I called my own essay 'great'. I'm not taking it back, even though I know it sounds conceited).
READERS FAVORITES
I really should have put "reader" sans the plural.
(I take that back, I just hit plural!!)
Since one or two people do occasionally glance at the horseshit I write (if only to shake their heads quietly in sadness. Deep, all-consuming sadness), I thought it would be interesting to get some alternate perspectives on what blogs other people found worthwhile (yes, that is a stretch, I get it).
Take it away, two guys who are related!
DANIEL DRINNEN
Touching Death in the Crotch and Hernia 2: A Love Story
These are two of my favorite KoD posts ever. They're humorous and terrifying at the same time, and they do a beautiful job of highlighting how awful the US health care system is without being preachy or pompous (which every other US health care opponent in the world does...). There's no better way to highlight the cause of a problem than by discussing the effects, and that shit is fuckin' proper discussed in these posts, son!
Sports Hatred
I love Sports Hatred because it lets me explore a side of my own hatred of sports that is usually left untapped. I definitely don't like or watch sports, but for the most part they don't "bother" me, per se. Somehow the pure, unfiltered hatred of sports and the people who base their lives on their "team" got me revved up and ready to chastise some DEBs. Mmmm... vicarious hatred...
The Depression Panacea
This was a great entry because it so earnestly discussed and commented on the ups and downs of growing up. It is also rare in that it ends on a pretty positive note! Good lord!
Passion or Practicality
This is a unique post because my favor of it lies solely in the fact that I completely disagree with it. Somewhere along the road of life, people stop caring about opposing viewpoints, and either disregard them or violently oppose them. I totally disagreed with the opinions in the post, and the actions described therein, but it probably made me think about my own perspectives on the subject more than I ever had before. Anything that fosters constructive self-reflection makes Fonzie go, "Ayyyyy!"
You Should Meet My Friend Niko
Possibly the greatest autobiographical fictional conversation I've ever read. It's confident and self deprecating (oh hey, now I get it!) at the same time, and very genuine in its representation of the way people perceive potential relationship candidates. Aren't we all as complicated and difficult as Niko in some form or another? Won't all relationships have to deal with these issues eventually? Of course, but Niko's imaginary "girl just out of a relationship" in this post perfectly embodies the "out of sight, out of mind" mentality of modern dating and relationship building. Again, this post manages to touch and comment on so many different subjects, but never blatantly. If it wanted to, it could totally slip through the door as an "I'm down on myself, pay no mind" blog post. And then it could do some underage drinking and set the toilet paper on fire in the men's room. Oh Blog Post, will you ever learn?!? (Be sure to check the comments section for Niko's Dad's rebuttal conversation, which, in many ways, surpasses the original!)
THOMAS DRINNEN
As a regular "King of Deprecation" reader, I was asked by the paisley poo-bah himself (good ole' Niko) to maybe go back and revisit the 2009 archives and pick a few that stood out to me. That is, of course, if I actually cared enough about his silly little project to do so. Well, to be frank (or john), that sounded like an undertaking too great for a lazy lad such as myself and procrastination won the day(s). But somehow I finally managed to summon enough strength to at least begin my venture down memory lane.
And so it began... January, February... other months.
What I came up with was an understanding that I wasn't going to be able to choose a "favorite" or "series of favorites". Not because they all just blow my mind and certainly not because they all just blow (a reference to the act of performing a blowjob, therefore making it a negative statement... cause, you know, pleasuring a male's genitals is disgusting and no-one could ever enjoy it or find anything attractive about the male gender as a whole) I simply felt more compelled to say something like this instead:
Basically, the KOD blog, for me, is a pleasant moment from time to time where I can abandon the turbulent and often miserable thoughts that are going on in my head in favor of someone else's...turbulent... and miserable... thoughts. In this case, Niko's.
It is a mirror for my own life, a means to help bring clarity to my own perception, opinions and beliefs. Does that mean that every time I read KOD I finish with radiant excitement at how I can relate to everything and it's like "OMG Niko, like, totally gets me ROFL"? No. In fact, in a given article I will agree with a bit here and disagree with a bit there, and it is this very process of critical assessment that provides me with a more clear perspective of what I believe on whichever topic is being discussed.
At times it forces me to realize that I don't have a solid foundation for a particular perspective of mine and it prompts me to solidify my outlook. Other times, it will force me to investigate a thought or topic that I undoubtably wouldn't have even thought of were it not for this here blog-y thingamajigger!
So huzzah to the... um... blog-keep! Keep up the Deprecate-y good work in this, the 2010th year after the birth of our lord and saviour Jesus the Christ!
***
You can check out more brilliance, creativity and hilarity from Thomas and Daniel Drinnen by checking out these pre-approved (by me) websites:
Lo-ku
Urizen
Noetik
WRAP IT UP ALREADY
There you have it folks.
Right there.
Ish.
That should keep you busy for a while, and give you enough personal motivation to finally come to the horrible realization that you will never get this time back.
Ever.
Next week I'll be delving, in detail, into the murky realms of 2009, to breeze through a series of personally-profound, life-altering moments, by compressing them into one super-abridged essay. (Kind of like how the entirety of hundreds of years worth of ancient Roman existence, culture, events, knowledge, politics, economics, society and spirituality can be distilled into one highschool text book).
Toodles.
You might also be interested in:
- Colorado Women's Expo: A Celebration Of Stereotypes!
- Gardening With God
- A Spoonful Of Relationships Will Cure What Ails Ya!
- (Mis) Perceptions Of Love
- All Truth Is Relative... And Equally Not
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